I’m pretty sure this is my next leg piece.
It’s been 5 days and 3 more to go… I miss Liv right now…
I think I am finally at harmony in terms of what I want from life. I have always been one to gripe about what will bring me happiness in the future, but as of late, I realize that I have everything I want right here and now. I have a job, an apartment, a car, a family that truly loves and cares for me, and Friends I wouldn’t trade the world for, that will always have my back. However, most importantly, I have Alex and Liv. They are the epitome of my life. Alex is, in a nut shell, my absolute best friend. I am blessed to know him and it is unfathomable the amount of happiness I have to know he lives with me. He has never failed to offer me the shirt off his back, if I were ever to need it. He has helped me through dark times, as well as, shared the excellent times. He has changed my life, he has saved my life, and for this, I owe mine to him. I know he will always be someone I can call my friend. Liv: she means the world to me. Her living with me, spending countless hours with me, looking out for me, taking care of me; I can honestly say, I absolutely do not deserve such a selfless, caring individual to call my own. I love her with all my heart, and if I can ‘love’ only a fraction as much as she loves helping people, I consider myself lucky. I can’t use words to explain the relationship we have with each other, she is a beautiful human being. All of my friends (you know who you are) are extraordinary people. I am at sublime sanctity, due to the people I surround myself with.
Man, oh man has it been the sweet life in scenic Trenton, Michigan. I’ve got one of my best buds and my fabulous girlfriend living under the same roof as me. What more can I ask for? (Well, other than a new job or for Spring time in Michigan to arrive..) But, other than that, I can’t say I have much to complain about. Living on my own, going to school, working through the winter; it all has been a good run so far. I don’t want to jinks myself, but life is good. I can afford tattoos, responsibilities, my expensive hobbies; it’s all really just working out. I’m pretty damn happy, world.
I try to put on this veneer to make myself think it’s okay. I try to look at the positive, rather than dwell on the negative. I want to practice what I preach, but it just hurts. I’m trying. It’s so hard, but I’m trying. It’s been a rough week for me. I wish I could go back. Just a little more than a week ago I was happy. I had ambition. I had faith. Now, I’m trying to do everything in my power to help myself. Why is it so hard to make MYSELF happy? Why do I have to rely on her? Every time I give myself hope, it falls to rubble in a matter of minutes. I can’t believe she put up pictures of her kissing him… It’s been a week and a day. I see it, and my stomach aches. Everyone says, “It can only look up from here.” Well, what the fuck? Am I a bad person or something? I try living a good life. I try being good to people. I like being good to people. Is this what I honestly deserve? Have I been a Huge fucking asshole all this time or something? What the fuck now? Friends going to start turning on me? Family? Just keeps on getting worse. Whoever says it can only get better can get fucked. This is sweet. I love my life right now.
than being replaced by some dude I don’t even know 600 miles away from me. I’m glad I have this perspective of life now: Don’t trust anyone, Don’t believe in anything, Don’t make yourself vulnerable for anything to take you down. This is a cruel fucking world, just watch out for yourself or you will become a spinless turd. Fuck you, everyone.